A Story of EMDR After a Recent Relationship Crisis

Daniel came to therapy after what he described as “the worst fight of our relationship.” He and his partner had been arguing more often, but one night things escalated. Words were said that cut deeply. Doors slammed. He felt his chest tighten, his vision narrow, and a familiar sense of panic rise in his body.

For the next week, he couldn’t shake the overwhelm.
He replayed the argument over and over.
He couldn’t sleep.
He felt anxious anytime his phone buzzed.
He kept imagining the relationship falling apart.

His nervous system had gone into full crisis mode.

Even though the argument had ended, his body was still living in it.

By the time he reached out for therapy, he said,
“I don’t know why this hit so hard. I can’t get my body to calm down.”

Beginning EMDR After the Crisis

At his intake session, his therapist helped him explore what happened—not just the fight, but what was happening inside him. Daniel realized that the panic he felt wasn’t only about the argument. It was touching old wounds: past relationships, childhood moments where conflict meant danger, years of holding things together alone.

His therapist explained how EMDR could help the body unwind the emotional charge from both the recent crisis and the older echoes it activated.

They didn’t start with the memory right away.
First came stabilization:

• Grounding through breath and body

• Identifying emotional triggers

• Learning to recognize when his system was moving into fight-or-flight

• Building internal resources so he felt supported, not overwhelmed

Daniel said it was the first time he understood that his reactions weren’t “too much”—they were survival responses.

Reprocessing the Conflict

When he felt stable enough, they began EMDR on the moment everything escalated.

As he followed the bilateral stimulation, the intensity slowly started to shift.
What felt like a threat began feeling more like a moment of fear.
What felt like personal rejection began feeling like miscommunication, old wounds touching old wounds.

He realized that in the argument, he hadn’t just been talking to his partner—
he was reacting to every moment in his past where he felt unheard, unsafe, or abandoned.

With each EMDR set, clarity replaced panic.
His chest softened.
His thoughts slowed.
He could see the argument from a more grounded place.

He said,
“It feels like the static in my body is finally going quiet.”

They also processed memories from earlier in his life that were fueling the intense emotional response. With each session, the emotional charge around conflict decreased. He no longer felt hijacked by fear.

Shifts in His Relationship

Over the next few weeks, Daniel noticed meaningful changes:

• He could have hard conversations without shutting down

• He no longer replayed the fight on a loop

• His sleep improved

• He felt less tense around his partner

• Instead of bracing for more conflict, he felt open and present

He and his partner revisited the argument—this time with softness, connection, and curiosity. He expressed his fears calmly and clearly. They communicated in a way that felt new, safer, and more grounded.

He told his therapist,
“I didn’t know you could change how your body handles conflict.”